Episode 13: Self Pity
She bent over to pick up garments from the floor and dizziness came, forcing her to the edge of the bed. After a while it passed and she got her legs into one of the garments and pulled it on.
Taking cosmetics from her bag, she went again to the washstand and tried the taps. Still no water. She combed her hair, jerking the comb through the mats and gnarls with a satisfying viciousness. When the hair fell into its natural, blond curls, she applied powder and lip-stick. She went back to the bed, picked up her brassiere and began putting it on as she walked to the cracked, full-length mirror in the closet door. With the brassiere in place, she stood looking at her slim image. She assayed herself with complete impersonality.
She shouldn't look as good as she did�not after the beating she'd taken. Not after the long nights and the days and the years, even though the years did not add up to very many.
I could be someone's wife, she thought, with wry humor. I could be sending kids to school and going out to argue with the grocer about the tomatoes being too soft. I don't look bad at all.
She raised her eyes until they were staring into their own images in the glass and she spoke aloud in a low, wondering voice. She said, "Who the hell am I, anyway? Who am I? A body named Linda�that's who I am. No�that's what I am. A body's not a who�it's a what. One hundred and fourteen pounds of well-built blond body called Linda�model 1931�no fender dents�nice paint job. Come in and drive me away. Price tag�"
She bit into the lower lip she'd just finished reddening and turned quickly to walk to the bed and wriggle into her dress�a gray and green cotton�the only one she had. She picked up her bag and went to the door. There she stopped to turn and thumb her nose at the three sleeping pills in the bottle.
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Ivar Jorgenson